problems playing multiplayer with friends in minecraft for switch

 (This is one of those, who knows, maybe it will help someone's google search results)

Online Minecraft on Nintendo Switch seems a little flakey, but even before that there are a few steps you can get wrong, especially if you haven't done much with the online play modes with friend in general...

1. The accounts on the two switches have to be friends (you can youtube up pretty easy instructions to exchange friends codes, it's on each accounts page not general settings)

2. One player creates the world, and they have to make sure multiplayer is turned on for that world

There's still a lot I don't understand (creating realms, which I think means you don't have to have a separate "host" machine so either player can work on the realm when the other is online) and this cross-account thing with Microsoft accounts, but the above were the toughest steps in getting it going. 

(I have both Switches in my posession, which made thing easier... trying to troubleshoot remotely when the other person is not so techie would have been tough!)